Anxiety, Self Esteem and Resilience in A be Pretty - Fast Food Media World

Irena Samaria *

*Correspondence to: Irena Samaria.

Copyright

© 2023 Irena Samaria. This is an open access article distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution License, which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited.

Received: 02 August 2023

Published: 15 August 2023

Introducing the Idea

In a world where everybody has to seem happy, in a world where every adult has to be efficient, in a world where every man and woman needs to have the perfect body and face, in a world of “I travelled everywhere and did it all”…we never had so much anxiety, phobias and depression.

In every bookshop, at every audio book, on every channel, people are selling the fast food fast forward happiness in 20 steps. As if all the sudden we HAD to seem happy or else we are to blame. Well, if that was so easy everyone should already be very very happy!

Nevertheless, this is definitely not the case. Today is as if we talk with..pictures, not words! A moment of a superficial filtered photo posted saying “Hey, I’ve been here”/”ate this”/”achieved this/ and this is the perfect me” demonstrates on one hand people’s desire to share but mostly a cry out of loneliness and need for togetherness. This does not apply to friends of course who also meet, talk, exchange on a face to face basis plus wish to share and talk about whatever is happening to them when they are not together. Do we really think that the 5000 followers never ever met and “liked” pictures will be there with us for us?

Media is great…you can learn about concerts, events, things happening, share common ideas on a passion, debate on ideas, learn so many things; it remains great that it exists and we can bring the world closer. No need to write a letter and wait for the answer 3 weeks later…

Oh but that’s it…that is THE word…WAIT…we don’t wait; it’s like a diet of 25 kilos to be lost by the beginning of the summer and the selling of a magical 1-2-3 fast and miraculous ways to do it through all kind of ways (run, don’t run, do fasting, take out sugars, eat this powder, only do this exercise, take this pill, do hypnoses, don’t do hypnoses, eat breakfast, don’t eat breakfast…). It’s like the need to be “recognized” or “remembered” or “be famous” so we follow influencers and tic toc celebrities who show us how to be perfect.

Oups! I do not know how to say this but happiness is everything but a fast food process. And happiness is related to our inner self and well being but also to those who surround us. What good is it to us to be the best researchers if we are nasty self centered negative people? There is good to us all. And we have the choice to look at the negative side or the unchangeable past or make the best of what we can with ourselves and lives.

Key Words

• Anxiety
• Self esteem - Satisfaction - Happiness
• Feelings -Senses
• Communication
• Resilience and interior freedom

Anxiety

Generalized anxiety disorder is what has increased through my years of practice by forty per cent these ten years and it is still going up for adolescences and adults.

But, if our world is so beautiful and perfect why do we worry so much?

Today’s difficulty is that we are not living today at it s maximum! We mostly live to be rich and famous so be materialistically perfect tomorrow. Why? Because other people did it and we think they are happy so why not us? We saw it on the media perfect world. Without a today how could we really have a tomorrow? What a contradiction. Is as if we are more or less living today only with the purpose to be happy tomorrow but only worry about ourselves and with little care about wars, inequalities or our environment, little care for others.

So in a way, the fear of the negative future and the need to succeed (related to society, way of being brought up or our families) damages our ability to enjoy things that are happening to us now. Little things matter. It is as if it is a permanent anxiety of not having enough or of not living enough and in the end of not being enough.

Maybe we can just try to balance what we can do and brings us comfort instead of just staying in a comfort zone with no adrenaline or passion sharing. By needing to be in control we develop a more static way of thinking and acting and we are little by little bored; if we are very bored by repeating and controlling and only caring for ourselves there is definitely augmentation of phobias, obsessions and obsessive compulsive behaviors, to try to keep the control.

The problem is, we are trying to control everything and everyone and because of our fears we are stepping on other people’s freedom! Ex. Saying to a beloved one “Do not go abroad with your work or friends because I am afraid of planes or because I need you or only if I come with you” well then we are imposing and ignoring the other person’s freedom.

We can only try to do ‘healthy personal choices ‘ for us.

Is being ourselves so frightening? Ceasing the moment and being able to enjoy each day instead of always thinking of a ‘next goal so that we can be happy’ is a start.

Positive thinking is not a state of mind, neither a static painting; it is all about learning to teach our minds how to be peaceful and relaxed, seeing the good we have instead of what is missing from our lives. It is trying to see the good part and finding at least something positive instead of only blaming, accusing and being miserable of what is bad or missing.

Self esteem

Self esteem is not just what we think of ouselves, but how our environment has given us the opportunity or not to be ourselves.

People who have high self esteem are not those who are narcissistically selfish and self centered…that is not very healthy. People who have self esteem are either those who know their family-no matter what they do- will be there for them, either those who believe and trust something bigger or have spirituality ex religion, either those who know they have a special ability or know how and can count on that knowledge.

Being able to break free from the past and let go of it helps once the past is worked on and healed. It is accepting that the past has helped us be who we are and will help us move forward. To move forward to resilience.

Self esteem is a very personal matter and it is all about us understanding the values we have and that we can be ‘enough’. We can only change ourselves and be out best version by first treating others with care, avoiding jealousy or competitive behaviors. It is anyway a fact that if our self esteem is low we’ll probably be meeting other low self esteemed people and we’ll always be jealous of the grass being greener on the other side of the fense.

So self esteem is not only realizing who we are with our abilities and disabilities but as well recognizing our limitations and possibilities and of course our needs. In a way, it is connected to our ability to think and the ability to make decisions along with the respect of our values, right to live, our dignity and how worthy we are.

The commitment to the value of our own person is a good start.

Knowing who we are and being satisfied with that identity can lead us to happiness if the environment and surrounding permits us to.

Feelings and senses

If we continue to sell and buy the feeling of happiness throughout what we see, where did all the other feelings go?

We all feel, but how come we feel so much sorrow while we are looking at so much “visual happiness”? Writing down our feelings, being aware of them is important. Vulnerability makes us human. Making mistakes makes us human and helps us not be arrogant. Being afraid of not being as “happy or successful as the rest of the world” and sinking to depression of the unlived life or the “unsuccessful life” is being in a way a prisoner.

Try not to look at that perfect taken picture at the beach or the wonderful smile on a monument as a résumé of happiness…observe the context of the before and after. We can not resume a life or a character on a moment. It is best to avoid people who put us off and criticize us all the time or tell us why we are not fitting in or being perfect as they are. Those who shine are not those who have gold but those with whom we feel being close to.

We have a great variety of feelings. They can vary throughout the day and the weeks but stability makes a difference. Realizing if we have any negative feelings and ask ourselves why it is essential and helps to get rid of the toxicity of anger. Anger and frustration, jealousy and fear are our poisons.

What we usually forget are our senses. Seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling … are we really ready to erase them? It’s like falling in love, the first look matters, what and how a person sounds and what is said matters, but when we start smelling, touching, tasting that other person and it wakes up everything in us.

How sad covid was these last three years, away from people, devised in good citizens and bad citizens, not seeing one another, not hugging, not touching…the man putting in danger the man…how many people died alone and un accompanied, without a hand touched because we made rules. Prison is our bigger punishment because along with the loss of freedom we are put away from those we love, we can not touch or feel them close and we don’t have interactions, we do not share and exchange. My office never closed during covid, people had the choice to come or do sessions on line but the door was always open by taking all necessary measures. And 95% of my clients were coming. And it was wonderful we could at least use some of our senses and humanity.

Taking care of ourselves (nutrition/supplements/sports/hobbies) and of our surroundings is important, caring and taking care is equally important.

Communication

A message from A goes to B and if feed back there’s communication. .what a wonderfully simple explanation.

The last ten years I realized something that is essential related to communication…not only the intention to communicate, not only the need to do so, not only the verbal and non-verbal meaning of communication but the importance of TIME…

Taking the time to communicate, giving time to others to express themselves makes the difference in quality…Time…taking time from our valuable time schedules to give it to others.

Time is essential for whatever we do. Taking time to eat well, sleep well, enjoy what we do, invest in what we do instead of doing things to tick a box makes a difference. Taking time to pay attention to our environment and others…time time time.

If all we have is time for a picture, always in a hurry and with not investing on us (to eat well, sleep well, exercise, be social etc) it means we will become what we eat..a cheap bad material based fast food.

Resilience and interior freedom

Things happen to us all the time; bad things, traumas and dramas can happen to us too. Resilience is not about ‘acting as things didn’t happen’…on the contrary, it is realizing that whatever bad thing has happened to us has made us stronger and who we are today. It is like a recovery mode.

We always have the choice of staying stuck in our fears and traumas, remaining victims or being helped despite the mark of the bad things that happened to us..(with therapy, meditation, by being active, believing etc).

Anxiety is a dangerous state of mind where pain and fears become the main thought of the person imprisoning any good that can happen by fearing of failure, pain, the future or death. 

Life is a long process where the necessary time and patience can be given to build strength and recover from difficulties of the past. Trusting life and people will lead us to the interior freedom of being good to us and to all.

Tips that could help diminish anxiety and augment self esteem

1. Pets are helpful (animal therapy)
2. Remember to give not only to receive; doing good to others is important
3. Say daily ‘ I am enough/capable/good and I shall overcome the present frustrations’
4. It is important to feel right about who you are, how you are behaving and then talk about your achievements (because it is countable and reassuring). People who feel good about themselves do not care as much for consumption or pleasing others by acting they are someone else. People who have high self esteem treat other with fairness and respect without jealousy since they don’t see others as a threat
5. Something is better than nothing; mentally-physically-socially-spiritually developing helps towards inner peace
6. Forgive and free yourself by moving on

…don’t wait for the world to catch you by constantly running…just go grab your own life…it’s time.